Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
