i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Come on in and take your pants off
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