this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
