is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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