I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
