Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
