Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
