I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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