I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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