I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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