We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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