Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
