last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
