someone owes me an orgasm
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
