Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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