Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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