You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
pop tarts are not kleenex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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