You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize