i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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