separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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