i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Are we still banned from the library?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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