How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
