Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
