I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
