apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
