Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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