I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
