my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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