So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
