So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
