Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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