SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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