i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
