god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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