I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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