He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize