New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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