Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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