Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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