Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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