I just cut my nipple shaving
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
