WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
