just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
