Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
