Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
