He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
