I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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