She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
