i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
