nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
