New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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