Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize