I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
