Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
