imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
