Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
