I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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