Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
