Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
