I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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