if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
