Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
