Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I cockslap morals
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize