My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
