return my video game
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
