i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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