throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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