Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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