pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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