I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize