Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
