So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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