I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
