he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
