she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
