so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's always time for handjobs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
