My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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