a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
